DEAR RAIMUND,

Thank you for the support & encouragement that you have shown for my FA applications eventhough you have clearly expressed your disapproval of the said profession for me. I truly understand your reasons. You have always been a sensible person.

My decision to pursue a career that is totally different my professional experience & university degree may have surprised and confused you. Maybe because you have always thought of me as someone who knows what she wants since from the start. When I first mentioned it, you thought I was just joking and you didn't took me seriously for that. When you realized how determined I am, you're exact words were: "Why do you want to become a cabin crew? Don't you know that cabin crews are just waitresses on the air.", " You are over-qualified for that job", "You should make good use of your abilities than just being an FA". I was hurt with that and I strongly argued and defended my future job. Knowing your professional & educational standards, perhaps it was just a natural reaction . Sensing how serious I am for the job, you then said " You are old enough to decide for your self and that even your father cannot stop you from doing it. I am not your father and I am just giving my opinion and you are free to follow it or not". As I proceeded with my goal and was unsuccessful after several attempts, still you have comforted, cared, listened and inspired me even if you are not in favor of the idea. When I explained how tough the recruitment process, you have compared it to an "American Idol Audition".

I have been a constant failure on this goal, but you never added more insult to my injury. You have expressed your support, encouragement and sympathy. You always have high regards for me and have constantly believed in my ability more than I believe myself. I am deeply thankful for having you around and for always putting your faith in me.


Always,


Ruth Ana

"A MESSAGE FOR CHARLIE"

I've heard that you have taken one of the bravest decision in your life and that is to leave for Singapore a month from now to continue a career of your choice. I admire your courage and your clear-headedness. I understand how difficult it is for you to let go of your FA dream at this point. The decision may somehow saddened you but life must go on and that there's still a long journey ahead. Letting go of the said "dream" doesn't necessarily mean totally giving up and forgetting about it but just putting it on hold for a while. The desire will always be there and every beating of your heart will constantly remind you of it.

As you take your new journey, I pray for your guidance and safety. Wherever you go, may you always see the sunny side of life and your beautiful smile will continue to brigthen up the day. May this new path leads you to the fulfillment of your dreams and to a lifetime of happiness.


All the bests,

Ruth

DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO?

This song would exactly describe my present state of mind.....


1 - Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life's been showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know?

2 - Do you get what you're hoping for?
When you look behind you there's no open doors
What are you hoping for?
Do you know?

Once we were standing still in time
Chasing the fantasies
That filled our minds
You knew how I loved you
But my spirit was free
Laughing at the questions
That you once asked of me

Repeat 1

Now looking back at all we've planned
We let so many dreams
Just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long?
Before we see
How sad the answers
To those questions can be

Repeat 1
Repeat 2

Do you know?

IPINANGANAK NA MAHIRAP.....NAKALIGO KA NA BA SA DAGAT NG BASURA?

These are the first few lines in Manny Villar's campaign jingle. I am not a Villar voter but I am always pleased everytime I hear them played on TV & radio. Since the start of its airing, it seemed to have taken part of my everyday life. I always recite these lines with a smile when I am doing my household chores and even to the point of closing my eyes, the song keeps echoing back in my head. This has become my most favorite song & tv commercial. As I evaluate my fondness, I realized that the main reason behind my addiction is because the little girl reciting these two lines will always remind me of my self. She exactly resembled my childhood looks---skin, hair, clothing, smile, eyes & everything else. Our difference was that I did not or haven't lived in squatter areas. I grew up in a comfortable home with housemaid and that my parents can provide everything that I need. Even with that, I still look like a "batang yagit" or "batang bulingit". As a child, I just can't learned to maintain on how to look neat unlike with my older sister. Wherever I go and whatever I do, dirt/mud/dust have been my constant companion. No matter how my mother tried, I always look untidy even when the day had just started. Up to now, I still consider myself "batang-yagit & bulingit" and I like it that way. However, I already learned on how to present my self as neatly as possible because that's how FA's are expected to be.

CLASS PROPHECY Y2K

When I was in High School, my classmate Lynn Antoinette made a class prophecy for our graduating section. All the best things that a graduating student would like to hear were all writen in there----a promise of a bright future waiting forus. We see visions of ourselves as successful individuals and professonals.

I could still recall that I was expected to land a great career in a reputable airline company as an International Flight Attendant. I really have no idea as to why Lynn have imagined me that way. At that time, I wasn't really thinking to undertake a career in an airline industry. I just do not know as to where it came from because it never even crossed my mind. Although Lynn is my classmate but we were never close, we have different set of friends and we seldom talk to each other. She must have seen something especial that would deserve me for the job. She could have chosen our "crush ng campus" & beauty queen classmate but she had me for it. I was delighted of the idea but I was also ashamed & conscious because of the reactions of others. I never considered myself a stunner and gorgeous. I am just an average looking, plain & simple student. I would have perfectly fit for a pre-school teacher description. Anyway, it was just a prophecy and at least I can be glamorous even on that. Years passed and I graduated from college and landed my fist job in a telephone company as a project-hired employee. It was then that I saw an advertisement for Emirates in the newspaper. I checked it and applied online (2005). In less than 3 months, I received an invitation from IPAMS to be at the Malate office for the "dry-run" sked and on the second day for the screening schedule. I have no idea then that IPAMS is the agency handling the recruitment. Most of all when I joined in the Quezon City, I am totally clueless on the process and what to expect. It was my first unsuccessful attempt. When I applied for the job, it was just in a spur-of-the-moment. I wasn't even reminded of the prophecy. No follow-up applications afterwards. I have totally fogotten about it. It was only on year-end part of 2009 that the idea sinked in and that I was reminded by what my classmate Lynn expected me to become. Now, I am trying my best to make my prophecy become a reality. This will surely serve as my motivating factor. Not so long from now, I will get the job and prove to Lynn that she wasn't wrong at all. Someday, I would personally thank Lynn for believing and seeing something exceptional in me.

WHAT I TRULY FEEL....

I have always been the kind of person who acknowledges one's feelings. I always take time to evaluate my emotions because it makes me feel comfortable and more human. I don't consider myself "emotional", I am just being honest.

I am writing this entry with the goal to express & release the pain of frustration that has been building up inside my soul. I know that there are many FA aspirants out there who has more worst experience than I do. Perhaps, I am still a novice as compared to others but still allow me to dwell on this.

I have never been this frustrated in my whole life after consecutive failures/downfall within a year of the two opportunities that i've been wanting to have. I have already tried to move on after my unsuccessful attempt to spend my master's degree in Boston for Clinical Mental Health & Counseling Psychology. If only everything just went well, I am now in Boston burning my midnight candles. However, inevitable things happen--- the university can only offer me partial scholarship since I am not a U.S. citizen and that a recommended funding institution (bank) will be the one sponsoring my educational expenses. It would still have been ok if not for the global economic crisis that the bank refused/declined to grant the sponsorship. It hurt me so much because I gave my best to be accepted for that degree program, I passed every required tests (TOEFL, GRE),every required evaluation, every required interview, I invested time, money and effort. Everything has gone out of control. Thus, I started moving on especially that 2010 is coming. A new year, a new hope. When I loss my job last october 2009 due to company retrenchment, I was not disturbed at all as compared to my co-workers because I am planning to resign anyway. After being out of work & unsuccessful with my study- abroad plans, I ponder as to what I really want to do and to where do I see myself going. The plan of pursuing my once desired flight attendant job came back to life. I onced applied for Emirates in Manila year 2005, a fresh grad from university. Their process then was different when I was advised to joined in their Quezon City office as compared today . I forgot such dream as years go by, i loss my focus. Maybe if I have been as persistent as the others, I could have landed the job already. I just resumed my cabin crew applications on Oct. 18, 2009 when I applied for Qatar Aiways at Marriot Hotel. Then it was followed by another unsuccessful applications by November in Manila for QR & EK. January came and still no positive results in another QR Cebu OD. I was tempted to fly to Manila by February for Asiana & QR again but didn't push through with the plan. Instead I attended the EK screening in Cebu last 4th of March. I was really hoping to get an invitation this time and for my prayer to be answered. I was thinking that this is what already God planned for me in exchange of all the heartaches that I felt for my failed study plans. I was so confident of the idea and I can feel it in my veins when I saw signs favoring in me. I really thought they were the right signs. I was totally wrong. I just misunderstood them. So, another painful blow on my part. I just didn't think too much on the financial sacrifices that I made because it will only worsen the situation.

These are the two opportunities that have mattered to me so dearly. I have never wanted something or anything for myself this intense. They are the two that I could have wanted to fulfill, either one or the other. I just do not know what lesson/s I should learn from this. Is it telling me that this is not meant for me or maybe it is not yet the right time? I just do not know and understand. I feel that fate have punished me because things are not going as what I am expecting and hoping. How come I am punished? for what? I haven't done anything wrong. Is it wrong to have dreams, ambitions, goals and expectations? I am not usually a negative and a bitter person, but at this moment I just feel like it. I can't help it that after the down fall of my U.S. Masteral plans and then followed by my Cabin Crew applications, I feel that it is unfair. I haven't even yet totally recovered from the hurt that I felt for the former and now there is a new wound. Now I am asking, Is there something wrong with me? How come other's are just plain so lucky that opportunities come knocking on their doors without them working so hard for it while I am seriously struggling to chase my own. I am not a bad person at all. Am I not deserving? How much money, time & effort should I still waste? How long will I endure on this? I have always been a good student, daughter, sister, employee and citizen of this country. Of course I commit mistakes but they are not something that has affected other people's lives. I have always been on the safe zone. I have never been delinquent & promiscuous. I embrace life seriously and tried to live up to the moral standards in our society. Sometimes, I think what if I break the rules and just for one certain moment I will make a mess with life. Just for a change. I do not know if I could ever do this as I have always been this straight. At some point, I envy those individuals who have the courage to made a total wreck with their lives and existed care-free.

I know I should be thankful because I have been blessed with my education & my previous employment that made me to earn a living that has provided me above-decent food, shelter, clothing, etc. Yes I acknowledge that. I know that what I have was much better as compared to others. Of course I have enjoyed on them because I always see the positive side of it. But when I ponder if it is something I really want and dream to have and would make me happy, it turns out that is not. I just have it because I have no choice at that moment, it was the most practical opportunity being presented and offerred so I have to take it. If given a chance to choose, of course I will definitely go for the one I am hoping to have.

BROKEN VOW

This is my very first time to create an online diary but I have been writing a personal journal way back in college. Although I have been constantly following other people's blogs for months but it never take shape in my mind to have my own. Signing-up an account here is not part of my original plan. Eventhough the idea have crossed my mind but I felt that the proper time has yet to come. I remember blogger littlemissdreamer007 asking me for my blogsite for her to follow. I told her that I promised myself to only create a blog once I have fulfilled my FA dream. But now, I am breaking my promise and betraying my vow.

I am hoping that this would be a great venue to express my sentiments and innermost thoughts, may it be positive or negative. Through this, I might be able to break the negative spell or curse that has been keeping me away from my dream.